Heaven Hell Jokes

Heaven Hell Jokes
A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?”He was told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on and checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more countries... He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell...Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, What do they do here?"He was told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour..Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes and beats you for the rest of the day.""But that is exactly the same as all the other hells---so why are so many people waiting to get in here?" asked the man.Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed and the Indian devil is a former Govt. servant, so he comes in and signs the register and then goes to the canteen!

Owing to the increasing number of prayers and requests to GOD...HE has started a new call centre...
called HEAVENLY PARADISE..
magine what would happen if GOD installed Voice Mail in Heaven
When you pray, you'd get this response:
"Hi ,Thank you for calling Heaven. If you want to speak toLord Ganesha - Press 1
Lord Shiva - Press 2
Lord Krishna - Press 3 ( Sorry, he is Busy with " Gopiyan " )
For a Directory of other Gods / Goddess - Press 4
For Further Assistance from Menka / Pari / Angels Press 9 .
You press 1 and get connected to Ganeshji and hear the following
message:
If you want to make a request - Press 5
For complaints / Grievances - Press 6 ( Seldom works )
For thanks giving - Press 7
For any thing else - please press 8 and wait for the Customer Support Angel to talk to you
If you would like to hear Naradji singing Bhajan while you are
holding ! Press *
After a few minutes comes the following message: " Our records show
that you have already prayed once today .
Please try again tomorrow . Meanwhile , if you require any emergency
assistance, please contact our offshore Customer Support Executive

A small story about Great place to work.
A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said," Lord,I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.



The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly.
They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful,but because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. The Lord said, "You have seen Hell."
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump,laughing and talking. The holy man said, "I don't understand"." It is simple said the Lord, "it requires only one skill. You see, they have learned to feed each other. While the greedy think only of themselves."
Moral:
Its people's attitude that makes our place of work, a hell or heaven to them!! 'Help and Seek Help' this makes all the difference to each individual's life...and makes our lives hell or otherwise.
Success and happiness is all about effective team-work.....make it a great place to work

Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option.""Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!""That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan."The bottle has a hole in it!""What about the PC?""It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan."And it's missing three keys,""Which three?""Control, Alt and Delete."


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