Heaven Hell Jokes
A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?”He was told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on and checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more countries... He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell...Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, What do they do here?"He was told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour..Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes and beats you for the rest of the day.""But that is exactly the same as all the other hells---so why are so many people waiting to get in here?" asked the man.Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed and the Indian devil is a former Govt. servant, so he comes in and signs the register and then goes to the canteen!
Owing to the increasing number of prayers and requests to GOD...HE has started a new call centre...
called HEAVENLY PARADISE..
magine what would happen if GOD installed Voice Mail in Heaven
When you pray, you'd get this response:
"Hi ,Thank you for calling Heaven. If you want to speak toLord Ganesha - Press 1
Lord Shiva - Press 2
Lord Krishna - Press 3 ( Sorry, he is Busy with " Gopiyan " )
For a Directory of other Gods / Goddess - Press 4
For Further Assistance from Menka / Pari / Angels Press 9 .
You press 1 and get connected to Ganeshji and hear the following
message:
If you want to make a request - Press 5
For complaints / Grievances - Press 6 ( Seldom works )
For thanks giving - Press 7
For any thing else - please press 8 and wait for the Customer Support Angel to talk to you
If you would like to hear Naradji singing Bhajan while you are
holding ! Press *
After a few minutes comes the following message: " Our records show
that you have already prayed once today .
Please try again tomorrow . Meanwhile , if you require any emergency
assistance, please contact our offshore Customer Support Executive
A small story about Great place to work.
A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said," Lord,I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Bar Jokes
Bar Jokes
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some negotiations, they settled on a figure of $10,000 for the duck and the pot.Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!""So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
A drunken man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.He immediately apologised and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.""Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed."Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some negotiations, they settled on a figure of $10,000 for the duck and the pot.Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!""So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
A drunken man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.He immediately apologised and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.""Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed."Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
Animal Jokes
Animal Jokes
A man walks into a bar and says "Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack". The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says "Another".The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says "Another".As the bartender pours the third glass he says, "Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?"The man says, "Ten years, ten years I've been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having sex with her."The bartender says "Geez, what did you say."The man says " I told him, BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"
A lady approaches her priest and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.""What do they say?" the priest inquired."They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'""That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship.""Thank you!" the woman responded.The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say "Hi we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!"
A man walks into a bar and says "Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack". The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says "Another".The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says "Another".As the bartender pours the third glass he says, "Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?"The man says, "Ten years, ten years I've been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having sex with her."The bartender says "Geez, what did you say."The man says " I told him, BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"
A lady approaches her priest and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.""What do they say?" the priest inquired."They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'""That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship.""Thank you!" the woman responded.The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say "Hi we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!"
Sunday, June 26, 2011
НОВОТО ПОКЕР УЧИЛИЩЕ
УВАЖАВАНИЯТ ОТ НАС SEECC или както повечето го знаят Пешо-ПРО-то, Отвори покер училище със 1200 ученика. Таксата на човек е скромните 3800$ + 99% от бъдещите им печалби.
Очаквайте скоро и книгата на ПЕШО-Про-то "Как от покер си направих кръчма, кафе и дискотека"
[00:51:42] pesho POKER: seecc faliral s 120$ banka pak :D
Очаквайте скоро и книгата на ПЕШО-Про-то "Как от покер си направих кръчма, кафе и дискотека"
[00:51:42] pesho POKER: seecc faliral s 120$ banka pak :D
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